You look around you and all you see are small girls: small frightened girls, small girls that are hurting, small angry girls, small confused girls...
Yes, they may be laughing and joking with you, wearing the latest designer suits, working in positions of leadership, living independently without relying on any man, and may even have small girls of their own. But beneath those power suits, behind those smiles and grown-up demeanors are sad girls. Girls who grew up never knowing how a woman should be treated by a man. Girls whose only male role models were drunken, violent, neglectful fathers. Girls who were told again and again that they were not as important as their brothers. Girls who thought the world of their fathers, until they grew up and discovered how badly they treat their mothers. Girls who readily give their all to the first man who tells them they are beautiful and shows them some affection, because they never got this at home in the first place.
And then it begins to make sense: why more and more of the young women you know seem scared stiff of the idea of marriage, why relationships all around you seem to be falling apart, why the rates of infidelity seem to be on the rise, why the rates of HIV infection are increasingly becoming higher among married couples in Kenya.
You look within yourself and suddenly you realize: you are one of those angry little girls inside the body of a grown woman. Your thoughts are running around your head faster than 'lightning' Bolt and you really cannot think straight. But in a moment of clarity you decide to ask your readers for their thoughts and opinions on a matter that is the reason why you are not your normal rational self. Your readers are bound to provide you with some insight.
And so you pose the question:
Dearest Blogren,
Assume that you are above the age of 18 and legally speaking, an adult of sound mind, body and spirit. Assume again that for whatever reason, you need a place to stay for one or two weeks. Most importantly, that place needs to be quiet because you are working on something important that requires all your concentration. You weigh your options. Do you call up Cousin Mark and ask whether you can stay with him for a while? You have always liked Cousin Mark - he's easy going and good humored: he seems to float through life effortlessly. Most importantly, he lives alone. Yes, he does smoke some weed one or two times a day and no one seems to know what he does for a living (you suspect that he could be one of those crazy, hymn-singing thieves who robbed a bank in Westlands the other day but you do not voice your suspicions to anyone). Your mother also did mention that she would be taking her chama to his house to pray for him. 'Prayer is all that is left for the boy,' were her exact words as you recall. But no one is perfect, right?
Then there is Aunt 'Vodka' Valerie. A pleasant lady really, except for her 'situation' as your mother likes to call it. Her children are in boarding school and she is usually blacked out by mid-day so her house is bound to be quiet.
Your mother's house is not even an option: as usual, it is full to the brim with live-in relatives, children of relatives, your siblings' friends, Mzungu exchange students, and stray cats and dogs all of whom your mother has taken under her wing.
And then out of nowhere, a brilliant idea: why not ask your father? You haven't seen him in a long time and you are not on the best of terms but he is still your father, right? And so you give him a call and ask two questions: one, whether he lives alone, and two, whether you can stay with him for one or two weeks. He answers in the affirmative to both questions and you quickly pack your bags.
When he picks you up, he tells you that he bought a house in Nairobi West. As he drives you to his new house you make small talk. You mean to ask him who does his cooking, cleaning and washing but you forget. The question you never asked is quickly answered: at the door of his brand new house stands a brand new lady. A quick glance at her manner of dress confirms that she is definitely not the house-help: she wearing tight black pants and an expensive pedicure. It is also very clear that there is no one else in the house. Your father nervously introduces her as Nini, quickly ushers you in and even more nervously informs you that the Nini's room is downstairs, although you have not inquired as to what the sleeping arrangements are. He takes you on a tour around the house, starting with where you will be sleeping. In your new bedroom, your father continues with the introductions: this time he introduces you to the girl. As he talks, the two share a look that can only be described as amorous. That look confirms that Nini is not the sister you never knew of.
And then you look closely at Nini: she is young. As she talks to you and your father, she does something with her eyes, lips and entire head: a cross between rolling of the eyes, shaking of the head side to side and saying 'psssst' like your West African friends. Definitely younger than you.
Your father goes into 'Too Much Information' mode and immediately you know for sure: iko kitu. He only goes into TMI mode when he is trying to impress someone (usually, a woman), when he is nervous, or both. He tells Nini that you work in Asia and from the expression on her face, you are convinced that she would not know Asia, well, from the shape of her a-hole. Then he turns to you and goes on and on about Nini. When he tells you that Nini is in college, a bitter taste forms in your mouth. You are all still standing inside your new bed room and suddenly, you begin to feel suffocated. Your eyes shift from your 60 year old father to the skin-tight clad 20 year old ndogo ndogo, and involuntarily, you begin to clench and unclench your fists.
What do you do? Do you...
1. Go Karucy on him, shout 'bradi hell, I know what is going on here!' and proceed to upchuck your lunch. On his expensive Italian shoes?
2. Take your phone, call your brother and ask him to keep his girlfriend FAR AWAY from his father. Then call your sisters and ask them never to introduce their female friends to your father?
3. Calmly inform him that you are utterly disgusted that a man his age would still be so insecure about his manhood that he would need a 20 year old piece of arm candy, a girl younger than his daughters, to enhance his ego. And that he has a lot of nerve to expect you to live under the same roof as his ndogo ndogo. And furthermore, why can't he be like a normal middle-aged Kenyan man and have short secret affairs? Which man shacks up with his post-teenage gachugwa, really? Then pick your bag and go to your mother's house?
4. Shake your head, observe the two in amusement, somehow make sure your father knows that you are not fooled that Nini is 'a girl whose financially-strapped parents asked him to take in' but avoid getting hot under the collar because after all it is his life and his mess?
Yes, they may be laughing and joking with you, wearing the latest designer suits, working in positions of leadership, living independently without relying on any man, and may even have small girls of their own. But beneath those power suits, behind those smiles and grown-up demeanors are sad girls. Girls who grew up never knowing how a woman should be treated by a man. Girls whose only male role models were drunken, violent, neglectful fathers. Girls who were told again and again that they were not as important as their brothers. Girls who thought the world of their fathers, until they grew up and discovered how badly they treat their mothers. Girls who readily give their all to the first man who tells them they are beautiful and shows them some affection, because they never got this at home in the first place.
And then it begins to make sense: why more and more of the young women you know seem scared stiff of the idea of marriage, why relationships all around you seem to be falling apart, why the rates of infidelity seem to be on the rise, why the rates of HIV infection are increasingly becoming higher among married couples in Kenya.
You look within yourself and suddenly you realize: you are one of those angry little girls inside the body of a grown woman. Your thoughts are running around your head faster than 'lightning' Bolt and you really cannot think straight. But in a moment of clarity you decide to ask your readers for their thoughts and opinions on a matter that is the reason why you are not your normal rational self. Your readers are bound to provide you with some insight.
And so you pose the question:
Dearest Blogren,
Assume that you are above the age of 18 and legally speaking, an adult of sound mind, body and spirit. Assume again that for whatever reason, you need a place to stay for one or two weeks. Most importantly, that place needs to be quiet because you are working on something important that requires all your concentration. You weigh your options. Do you call up Cousin Mark and ask whether you can stay with him for a while? You have always liked Cousin Mark - he's easy going and good humored: he seems to float through life effortlessly. Most importantly, he lives alone. Yes, he does smoke some weed one or two times a day and no one seems to know what he does for a living (you suspect that he could be one of those crazy, hymn-singing thieves who robbed a bank in Westlands the other day but you do not voice your suspicions to anyone). Your mother also did mention that she would be taking her chama to his house to pray for him. 'Prayer is all that is left for the boy,' were her exact words as you recall. But no one is perfect, right?
Then there is Aunt 'Vodka' Valerie. A pleasant lady really, except for her 'situation' as your mother likes to call it. Her children are in boarding school and she is usually blacked out by mid-day so her house is bound to be quiet.
Your mother's house is not even an option: as usual, it is full to the brim with live-in relatives, children of relatives, your siblings' friends, Mzungu exchange students, and stray cats and dogs all of whom your mother has taken under her wing.
And then out of nowhere, a brilliant idea: why not ask your father? You haven't seen him in a long time and you are not on the best of terms but he is still your father, right? And so you give him a call and ask two questions: one, whether he lives alone, and two, whether you can stay with him for one or two weeks. He answers in the affirmative to both questions and you quickly pack your bags.
When he picks you up, he tells you that he bought a house in Nairobi West. As he drives you to his new house you make small talk. You mean to ask him who does his cooking, cleaning and washing but you forget. The question you never asked is quickly answered: at the door of his brand new house stands a brand new lady. A quick glance at her manner of dress confirms that she is definitely not the house-help: she wearing tight black pants and an expensive pedicure. It is also very clear that there is no one else in the house. Your father nervously introduces her as Nini, quickly ushers you in and even more nervously informs you that the Nini's room is downstairs, although you have not inquired as to what the sleeping arrangements are. He takes you on a tour around the house, starting with where you will be sleeping. In your new bedroom, your father continues with the introductions: this time he introduces you to the girl. As he talks, the two share a look that can only be described as amorous. That look confirms that Nini is not the sister you never knew of.
And then you look closely at Nini: she is young. As she talks to you and your father, she does something with her eyes, lips and entire head: a cross between rolling of the eyes, shaking of the head side to side and saying 'psssst' like your West African friends. Definitely younger than you.
Your father goes into 'Too Much Information' mode and immediately you know for sure: iko kitu. He only goes into TMI mode when he is trying to impress someone (usually, a woman), when he is nervous, or both. He tells Nini that you work in Asia and from the expression on her face, you are convinced that she would not know Asia, well, from the shape of her a-hole. Then he turns to you and goes on and on about Nini. When he tells you that Nini is in college, a bitter taste forms in your mouth. You are all still standing inside your new bed room and suddenly, you begin to feel suffocated. Your eyes shift from your 60 year old father to the skin-tight clad 20 year old ndogo ndogo, and involuntarily, you begin to clench and unclench your fists.
What do you do? Do you...
1. Go Karucy on him, shout 'bradi hell, I know what is going on here!' and proceed to upchuck your lunch. On his expensive Italian shoes?
2. Take your phone, call your brother and ask him to keep his girlfriend FAR AWAY from his father. Then call your sisters and ask them never to introduce their female friends to your father?
3. Calmly inform him that you are utterly disgusted that a man his age would still be so insecure about his manhood that he would need a 20 year old piece of arm candy, a girl younger than his daughters, to enhance his ego. And that he has a lot of nerve to expect you to live under the same roof as his ndogo ndogo. And furthermore, why can't he be like a normal middle-aged Kenyan man and have short secret affairs? Which man shacks up with his post-teenage gachugwa, really? Then pick your bag and go to your mother's house?
4. Shake your head, observe the two in amusement, somehow make sure your father knows that you are not fooled that Nini is 'a girl whose financially-strapped parents asked him to take in' but avoid getting hot under the collar because after all it is his life and his mess?
********************
Aa we mama we, ingekuwa we ungefanya je?! Awaiting for your words of wisdom, peoples!
0 comments:
Post a Comment